No Business Like Showbusiness

Leslie

Opening Scene:
Don and I are strolling around Puerto Vallarta after having caught the last bit of a Son Jarocho music and dance session at our new friend Wen's cafe and roastery, Cafe Oro Verde. As we pass a "casting" sign, I glance into a spare, tiny office and immediately am met with calls inviting us in. We keep walking, but are stopped by a woman who has run out of the office. "Do you want to be in a commercial for the British Lottery?" she asks, and tells us they are filming Saturday, Sunday and Monday. As it's Tuesday and we are hoping to have our refrigeration done by Friday, we hesitate and decide to come back another day after we discuss matters with the rest of the crew. Walking away laughing at this weird occurrence, we are later hollered at on the boardwalk by some random restauranteur: "Hey, it's Barbie and Ken after a few drinks!" This almost seems like a complement, and thus confirms our bizarre Aryan star quality, planting the seeds that will lead us to delusions of grandeur.

Scene 2, Act One:
Don and I return to PV on Tuesday, and, after a fantastic smoked marlin burrito, cervesas, and "rehearsing" mute reactions of surprise and delight at having won the British lottery, we go to the office and find out we don't get to act at all! We just have get our pictures taken and fill out some info forms, including, "sports proficient at." I write volleyball, sailing and biking. Don writes skateboarding and hockey. British people love winning a million Euros and going for a skate and a volley, no? We are told to come back the next day to see if we're in.

Scene 2, Act Two:
We return on Friday with the entire crew, including Raleigh, having wooed them with tales of the $170 a day we could each potentially make. Pics are snapped, infos are filled--oh and we are asked if we can all scuba dive (Carl and I lie in take three, after convincing ourselves it won't be "real" scuba-ing), and then the casting director asks us to come back at 4pm to meet some kind of scuba casting agent.

Scene 2, Act Three:
Scuba guy is a no show. We are asked to come back tomorrow to where they will be filming downtown.

Scene 3: Downtown Puerto Vallarta:
After wandering around, following signs for "extras", we are told that they will be using some kind of scuba divers' union and they don't need us. "Ma-a-a-a-aybe" he will call--or rather email us since none of us have a local phone number to give--for us to be in a party scene, but at this point we have been given the run-around so much that we don't believe the guy. He gives us bottles of water to appease us.

Scene 4: El Arrayan Restaurant:
I skipped the scene where we were sulking in Cafe Oro Verde, to the scene where Lisa, Carl and I are at El Arrayan, a slow foods restaurant owned by a woman who we'd met at the a fore mentioned music session. Carmen had invited us to come by and enjoy some music by Wen (the coffee guy), his daughter and her boyfriend. So, while Andy and Don are at some mythical jungle skatepark they'd heard about, Carl, Lisa and I are sharing plantain empanadas, jamaica (hibiscus) flower quesadillas and some kind of amazing chipotle garlic sauce with fresh corn chips, along with crisp, cold Modelos on draft, listening to live Son Jarocho music and chatting with Carmen, who has given Lisa three recipe books featuring some of her specialties! All in all, we aren't too fussed with having lost our chance at stardom.

Scene 4, act 2:
Don shows up at the restaurant (Andy, being Andy, went back to the boat to sleep and be frugal), and after hanging out with Wen, his daughter Camilia and her man Daniel for awhile, decide to move along to some party being thrown by one, "Lorena." "Do you know Lorena?" asks Wen of Camilia and Danny; "No, but so-and-so is playing there..." So, we get into their cars and go.

Scene 5: The Party
I'm probably summing this up too quickly, so Don, Lee, Carl, feel free to write a post devoted to the party. Almost everyone here is Israeli, Croatian, or Ukrainian, which none of us realize for about an hour, speaking broken Spanish at them. Oh yeah, and Raleigh has also been dragged to this party. He glumly lays on the floor and sniffs around for food scraps. Wen, Camilia, and Daniel begin playing music, and gradually nearly everyone, including Don and I, grab an instrument (I suddenly think I can play this box thing called the cajon), then this mime shows up to play drums, blowing our minds (the mime talks, while also acting in weird mime-like fashion), and everyone dances like they're Eastern European, except for Carl and I, who dance like Peanuts characters, and we get out of the party at about 4am and blow the budget on a cab back to Paradise.

Final Scene: Tragedy.
Sunday I'm so partied out that it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed to go with the neighbors and Lisa to the Farmers Market at La Cruz. I later can't get myself to go check my email, and everyone else answers negatively to the question of whether or not they got anything from the casting agent. Fine, we were burnt out and spirit-crushed on the Hollywood rat race anyhow. I don't check my email until Tuesday--when, of course, I see an email sent from the casting agent Sunday, asking if Don and I want to work on Monday. ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!

I beat myself up for the entire day, even while playing frisbee on the beach and living the lifestyle of a tortured starlet, drinking wine in the middle of the day. And then, I am snapped out of my depression at once by...

A SWORM OF BEES!!! (To be continued...)